"The women of Bikini Kill let guitarist Billy Karren be in their feminist punk band, but only if he's willing to just "do some shit." Being a feminist dude is like that. We may ask you to "do some shit" for the band, but you don't get to be Kathleen Hannah."--@heatherurehere


Sunday, July 22, 2007

A frustrating conversation

A week ago, at my workplace, one of my co-workers had said that he felt another co-worker was homophobic. I had agreed. Yesterday, I was approached by yet another co-worker, a highschooler. We had the following conversation, transcribed word-for-word.

Her: Do you really think [male coworker] is a homophobic?
Me: I don't think he's *a* homophobic, as in some kind of alien species. I think he's a person who is somewhat homophobic. Most people are, and him more than most.
Her: What makes you think that?
Me: You can just tell... I mean, look at how he talks about women.
Her: That doesn't make him a homophobic.
Me: It all goes together. There are certain sets of attitudes... men invested in traditional gender roles are usually homophobic.
Her: But he talks to gay people!
Me: Are you saying no-one who talks to black people is racist? Look, I'm not saying he goes around beating up gay people or anything like that. I just think that the idea makes him uncomfortable.
Her: Oh, but it makes everyone a little uncomfortable. Doesn't mean they're a homophobic.
Me: (stunned silence) .... yes. Yes, it does.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

::references the Avenue Q song "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist::

Anonymous said...

I don't think that straight people being uncomfortable about gays, by itself, is homophobia. I think a lot of homophobic views can lead to discomfort around gay people, yet that isn't the only route to discomfort. For instance, many people are uncomfortable with the idea of gay sex. Some gay people are uncomfortable when they think about straight sex, but it doesn't make them heterophobic.

In my view, homophobia isn't just a feeling; it is behavior, or it is a particular worldview or belief system.

America's Next Bill Clinton said...

To see a gay person for being gay is sort of like seeing a woman as for her gender first, rather than seeing her as being a human being first, and her gender is only an extension of who she is.

It's not inherently sexist, and I don't think those who think that way mean any harm, they've just been conditioned to think that way.

You know as well as I do that as pro-feminist males, we're still untraining ourselves every day to act the way we were conditioned to.

The same thing applies with being homophobic, I suppose.