"The women of Bikini Kill let guitarist Billy Karren be in their feminist punk band, but only if he's willing to just "do some shit." Being a feminist dude is like that. We may ask you to "do some shit" for the band, but you don't get to be Kathleen Hannah."--@heatherurehere


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

What Men Can Do: Resist Gender Essentialism (with Accessories!)

(Note: Title suggests that you can take the man out of academia, but it's harder to take academia out of the man.)
Melissa over at Shakesville, as often happens, says what I wanted to say, just...better, regarding blogging during the 16 Days of Action Against Gender Violence project:
Today is the final day of the 16 Days of Action Against Gender Violence, during which I suppose I have blogged exactly as often as always about violence against women, in America and abroad. Sometimes it feels like it's all I ever write about; sometimes it feels like I can't possibly write about it enough to do the issue justice; often, those feelings exist within me simultaneously. All I ever do is try to empty the sea with this teaspoon; all I can do is keep trying to empty the sea with this teaspoon.
And it got me to thinking about one of the themes of feminism for me: Small Daily Acts of Feminism. I tend to think that (1)The 'little' things are often only seemingly little and (2)Lots of (seemingly) little things add up. Take, for instance, my little pink phone.

When I bought my current cell phone, there was a choice of cover colors. I wanted something not-plain, and my only real choices seemed to be the US flag or a pearl-ish pink. Being not-so-patriotic these days (or at least not finding an flag phone to be something on my list of wants, it was a no-brainer. Also, from time to time, I like to express my disdain for the strictness of traditional gender roles. At times that feels silly--like having a pink phone says anything to anybody about the rigidity of what 'being a man' means. It feels trite and pointless sometimes.

And yet: I've had lots of good conversations with people about gender norms that began with an offhand comment about that phone. These days, I usually respond to people who say "Nice pink phone" with "Thanks. Do you like pink too?" or some such. And then, I try to follow it up with simple questions about why pink ought to signify 'feminine' at all, why I can't have some traditionally 'feminine' likes and dislikes without it being a judgment on my worth, etc. And this is a little thing. And yet, conversations being had that wouldn't be had without this little thing make me think that, even if it's just a little thing, it's not nothing. Even if it is teaspoons emptying the ocean, it's better than no teaspoon at all.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like your "teaspoon" of a pink phone is working better than a pickax to dislodge a fossilized stereotype.

My friend had a party where all the males were asked to wear a pink shirt, or a dress if anyone felt inclined. This was partly for the benefit of a young boy who had just been brainwashed by peers to the point he was refusing to use pink scissors, for gosh sake. I think the party did us all good though!

Jeff Pollet said...

What an interesting idea, to have a party to help a boy overcome some overzealous peer pressure. I'm always happy to hear that boys get some other options presented to them...thanks for the comment jessibird!

Radical Reminders said...

Although it may not seem like a big step to take in the women's movement, i think your pink phone IS a great great thing... Not only does it start conversations that pink is for everyone and people aren't defined by the colors society assigns to us but it also allows you to freely express yourself in any way you'd like, which is super important :)

I guess i'm secretly glad that your options for phone covers were so limited because it gave you this great idea :)

I wonder what the people who originally generated those two options for phone covers thought - men are patriotic and women love pink... haha, awesome way to beat stereotypes!!

P.S. LOVE the blog :)

Jeff Pollet said...

Thanks for the kind words, FG.

I'm not sure why there were only two choices--I think it was accidental, actually--but in the future I'll probably just pick pink anyway.

Anonymous said...

Only real men wear pink.