Hugo had an interesting post a bit ago about the fact that one of the first things that feminist men (or pro-feminist men, if you want to go with Hugo's view on the label thing) have to deal with is being called "faggot" (as a slur) and the like. His suggestion to potential and actual feminist men who are worried about such things: Get over it.
As an adult, heterosexual, pro-feminist man, I don't spend time trying to disprove the charge of homosexuality. After all, to do so would suggest that I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with being homosexual. Young men who aspire to do pro-feminist work had better get over any internalized homophobia lickety-split! Running around saying "Look at me, I"M NOT GAY!!!" is not only unlikely to impress anyone, it also indicates a profound discomfort with the whole notion of diverse sexualities. If being called "fag" or "gay" makes you quake in your boots, my friend, you still have a considerable amount of work to do. I don't say that to be unkind or insensitive, but to be brutally honest. One of the litmus tests for whether or not a man is ready and willing to live as a pro-feminist is how he responds to the nearly-certain anti-gay slurs that will be thrown his way. If he reacts with frantic defensiveness (as I did in eighth grade), then it's evidence he's got a ways to go on his journey.
I think Hugo is right on in this post, for the most part, despite the inherent irony of both stating in his post that he has never even considered that he might be gay, that he has always loved girls/women and at the same time explaining how pointing out this fact is sorta pointless.
4 comments:
Appreciate the well-wishing, Hugo, though I, for one, must admit I'm a bit starstruck that someone such as yourself has visited and wished us well.
Thanks very much.
Just when we get rid of the "feminists are all lesbians" stereotype. There is nothing wrong with being gay, and people of all sexual orientations can be pro-feminist.
Lake Desire--
You're right, of course...I hope you don't think that either Hugo or I think that there is something wrong with being gay.
Which doesn't mean that some men who are just discovering feminism might have to deal with what they see is a negative stereotype, right? They shouldn't see it as a negative thing (and I think this is essentially what Hugo is saying), but the fact that they do is something they have to deal with (perhaps by recognizing that it's not a bad thing to be gay...).
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