In honor of International Women's Day and Blog Against Sexism Day, I ask y'all:
What have You done to speak out against sexism? This is addressed to people of all genders out there, but as I think that it's important for men to address other men in this regard, this is especially for the men--when have you spoken out to other men against sexism toward women? (Yes, MRA readers, sexism is more complex than men-are-sexist-women-aren't, but in the spirit of International Women's Day, leave it at the door, please.)
One important little thing that happened in my life along these lines:
I have two bosses, one man and one woman, and together they own the company I work for. Oftentimes, when a man asks a question like "How does Lisa like working for Bob," I have to point out (gently, usually) that they both own the company, and that the question is more appropriately addressed to me. I also often have to point out that she is not his secretary.
This is sometimes not easy to do in a 'professional' situation. One doesn't want to make one's clients look stupid. But it's also not an option to make it a jokey situation. So I try to do it professionally, seriously, without a lot of shaming thrown in. It's a fine line between correcting and shaming sometimes.
I think that this sort of 'little' examples add up in the world, and the more men that are aware of this sort of thing the better. It's not *all* I want to do to fight sexism, but it's a day-to-day thing that needs to be done.
So: How have you spoken up?
9 comments:
Well, nothing earth-shattering here, but in a workshop/training I was in, there was this one guy in particular who (shockingly) took up most of the airspace, and overall women were getting way less airtime than men. So halfway through the second day (and only after private complaints about this guy from some of the women I knew - shoulda known to do it without that, but I'm slow), I asked for a minute of the guy's time during lunch break and laid it out for him in simple terms: you talk a lot, women aren't talking much, maybe there'd be more contributions from the women if you didn't talk so much. He got defensive with me, but then he didn't talk so much after that, so I considered it a minor victory.
It's the not-earth-shattering things that I'm sometimes most interested in, as incremental change can be pretty powerful.
Thanks for the story.
I wonder what might be done to mitigate the defensiveness, if anything? People who aren't in defensive mode sometimes listen better, but then again people who talk way too much over others are the most likely to get defensive, so perhaps there's not much to be done on that front.
I think there are some basic communication guidelines: use "I" statements instead of "you" statements as much as possible. Don't unnecessarily psychoanalyze the other person's motives or intentions (it's tempting sometimes, but it directs the conversation in the wrong vein: intent instead of real impact. People feeling defensive about their privilege _always_ want to drag you into the quagmire of talking about their intentions. Sometimes it can be helpful to acknowledge good intentions - if you can honestly do so - but then I think you have to immediately and clearly say that intentions aren't the point, and go back to talking about impact.)
But despite all that, my experience is that some amount of defensiveness is pretty hard to avoid when confronting someone (including when I have to confront myself!) Or maybe I'm just really bad at communicating non-aggressively :-) I know I'm often way too self-righteous-sounding.
I've come off as way too self-righteous myself, carl. I've even been called a troll on some feminist-ish blogs. When this happens I try to think about the fact that I've still got a lot to learn, even if I don't feel at the moment, like the person who's confronting me is the person from whom I ought to learn. Sometimes, upon reflection, I do learn something. Sometimes not.
Hi. I'm new here, and trying to pick up on all the terms and customs. I want to be a better pro-feminist, because I think I am pretty ineffective. Anyway, I have called other men out on their sexism before, and I did so pretty recently, right at the beginning of this week. I don't know how well I did though. I had gone into work, and was complaining about the weather, (it became horrendously hot due to desert wind conditions.) and the UPS guy, who's a pretty friendly guy, started telling me why it was good to have weather like that. He said that girls dressed for hot weather is a good thing. I told him that he was being sexist by objectifying women, and he told me that they wanted to be looked at. I countered this argument by stating that they simply wanted to stave off the effects of the weather. I don't really know at what point mere observation crosses over into sexism, but I'm fairly certain that he crossed that line. He thought I was being funny, but I assured him I wasn't joking, and he should think about it. I don't know if I did a sufficient job. He probably still thinks I was being ludicrous.
Hey David. Welcome.
I like that you stood your ground when he tried to turn your views into a joke--it's often easy to go along with a 'joke' with other men, rather than reiterating your views.
It was the least I could do. I still think it was ineffective though. I don't think I've ever made much of a difference. Maybe it's my approach to the situation. Anyway, thank you.
Well Jeff I would like to thank you for adressing sexism.
However Jeff, what about all the blatant sexism that Hillary faced and even Sarah Palin. As much as I didn't agree with Palin, I did not agree with the double and higher standards that women politicians are held to.
But where was all the outrage. Imagine if there was blatant racism there would be so much outrage as there should be. Sexism is always ignored.
Even so called liberals such as Bill Maher, Oberman, Jay Leno and others have no problem making sexist jokes and men just laugh at these and say it is just a jokes.
Racist jokes are not tolerated but sexist jokes are.
Jay Leno once said on his show that Hillary Clinton told Obama that she would give him a lap dance if she gets selected for the VP post. Imagine if the situation was turned and Hillary was the Presidential candidate and Leno said Obama told Hillary he was going to give Hillary free watermelon and fried chicken if she selects him for VP.
I am sorry for ranting but there is just no criticism or sexist jokes and commentary. Worse women have no problem laughing at bill maher jokes.I think we are out own worse enemy.
Thanks Jeff for doing your part to make a difference.
There's no doubt you're right, Anon. Some of my sometimes-heroes are guilty of this as well, and I just never really understood this particular blind spot regarding Clinton. And you're right to point this all out; it helps me to remember the intersection of race and gender and how oppression works.
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