Shall I STFU?

Or:
It's All About Me, Right?

Sometimes, I don't do well with people who are in positions of authority. It may be the case that I have a neurotic problem with authority--in part because I grew up watching my mother struggle with sexism in her workplace, with her husband, and in the larger world. I think that having "problems with authority" may be a relatively healthy reaction to an unhealthy society, where it is often the case that those in power are harming those with less power. What is an appropriate response to oppression, other than a desire to fight back? (Of course, this is oversimplifying--other responses include caretaking of self and others, compassion and empathy. But I think a desire to fight should be in there too.)

And yet, there is another aspect of my resistance-to-authority, and it is rooted in patriarchy. Men are taught The Hierarchy, and are shown over and over again, that they have a place in it--above some men, below others, above all women, etc. And generally, we are told, we should be striving to be as high up on that ladder as we can be. This is putting it very starkly, of course, but this is essentially a big part of what men are taught. So, I resist authority in part because, on some levels, I want to be higher up on that ladder of hierarchy than the men (and women, and folks of all genders) who are currently above me.

Given these two factors, and many others, my instant reaction to having bullshit called on me, and/or being told to shut the fuck up, is that my hackles go up, and all of my defenses come to the fore. (Of course, having the safety and space to be defensive, may be a reflection/product of my own privilege.) So I am sometimes left in the following position, when somebody is attempting to call me on what they see as my own bullshit: I have to decide--Are they right, in which case I need to stand down and apologize? Or are they being bullies, in which case I need to step up and perhaps take them down a notch?

And sometimes the question is very easy to answer: If I use the word "lame" and get called out for ableist language, it's pretty clear that I need to apologize and take a step back to examine my privilege in that regard. (For some reason, "lame" has been a hard habit to break for me.) If an MRA guy tries to call me out for not including his woes around child support in a post about how women make less, on average, than men, I can be pretty assured that he's a douche and a bully, and is trying to impose his opinion in a way that isn't helpful (in part because of the aforementioned privilege that makes him think he needs to/deserves to move up the ladder with every interaction). And of course, somebody can (correctly) call me on my bullshit and also be cruel and rude about it: But that doesn't make them a bully in the sense that I'm talking about. It matters who is holding privilege--women feminists being cruel to me can cause me some pain, but they (generally) aren't using their privilege to do so. Which, y'know, matters.


Sometimes, though, it really is hard to tell whether I am responding to a sincere bullshit-call-out or a bully. And in these cases, I tend to err on the side of re-examining my own privilege, because, really, who couldn't stand to do that some more? Also: I don't have to stand up to every bully myself--I am part of various communities that do social justice work, and there are lots of people ready to stand up to bullies in those communities. And this is also a situation that will always recur: Given that I live in a patriarchal society, and given that I engage with both activists and folks in the larger world, I will sometimes screw up and get called on my own bullshit, and I will sometimes run into bullies who need to be stood up to. It just will happen.

All of which is to say that I have myriad reactions when I read Twisty's words at I Blame the Patriarchy:

But really, it’s comical, the predictability with which dudes who fancy themselves feministically enlightened just can’t seem to shut the fuck up when they are found to be duding the joint up a little too hardcore.

My first reaction is that my hackles go up. (Ok, my *first* reaction is to chuckle at "duding the joint up," because that's great use of language.) But then I reflect on where that feeling I'm having is coming from (privilege!), and where the criticism is coming from (Twisty, who knows her stuff, generally)--and I have to let it go. And it's not that I can say, "Well, she's not talking about me." She *is* talking about me, and men like me, when we screw up and can't see our privilege getting in the way of our thinking and talking. It does happen, even to those of us who are trying to not let that happen. I do my best, and I will sometimes get it wrong. Nobody likes to think of themselves like a douchebag, but all of us find ourselves saying stupid stuff sometimes, getting things wrong sometimes. So, sometimes, if I'm told to STFU, it's good to do just that.

Enjoying The Takeback

Or:
Why I'm Enjoying The Takeback more than The Good Men Project

Is it just me, or is there a cacaphony of intelligent, thoughtful writing right now that centers around redefining masculinity in ways that reflect at least some of the progress that has been made by feminism against patriarchy? Most recently, I've started reading both The Takeback and The Good Men Project.

Originally, I thought I'd write a long post comparing and contrasting these two sites, but upon further reflection, that seems like a lot of work, and there's no real reason to do that. The two groups of men are coming from different places, have different goals, and will therefore produce different content. And, though there are interesting articles in both places, The Takeback is explicitly pro-feminist, while The Good Men Project embraces the idea that they are allowing "both sides" to have a conversation (as if feminism, with its long history, is on one side while MRA's, who are comprised mostly of men who love the status quo of patriarchy except where it means they don't get laid and/or get custody of their kids sometimes, are on the other side).

Which is not to say that The Takeback is free from controversy, or that I like everything they're writing about; rather, it's more clear that the men (and women, and folks of all genders) who are putting The Takeback together are obviously more aware of the work that has already be done by feminists, and want to build on that. The Good Men Project is more obviously a profit-motivated sort of enterprise, with aspirations of a media empire--and as such, they cater more toward the mainstream.

It reminds me a little bit of what I perceive as the difference between Bitch magazine and BUST magazine--Bitch appeals much more to me, in that they take a more feminist stand on lots of things (for instance, they don't accept tobacco ads, in part because it's a feminist issue), but I can totally see why folks might want to read BUST, because it is something of an alternative to traditional women's magazines. At any rate, I think it's good that The Takeback and The Good Men Project are both out there, though I'll turn to The Takeback more often for more interesting conversations.

And I have to face it: The Takeback is the sort of thing I had envisioned Feminist Allies becoming someday--only it's way more slick, interesting and inclusive than I could ever have made this site, probably. But I'll happily read them, quote them and link to them!

Men Doing Feminist Work: Poetry Edition!

I think this is a first for Feminist Allies (which is kind of embarrassing, really): Poetry. Andrew Rihn, a reader of FA, let me in on his chapbook Outside the Clinic. I don't know much about poetry, but I know what I like: A man writing about reproductive rights in wonderful language. My favorite is "PETA weighs in", but I also really like "Midwestern Sex Talk" and "The Life Counselor". This is a man doing some great feminist work.

From the author's note:

As a male, I’ll never have an abortion. One of the privileges of
my sex is that I will never enter an abortion clinic as a patient.
However, according to Dr. Leroy Carhart, a friend and
associate of Dr. Tiller’s, “men have had unlimited availability to
‘abortion’ since the beginning of time. Men can walk away from
unwanted pregnancies with virtually no response from
government.”

While our current political discourse typically rests on binaries
(good and evil; them and us), poetry often resists such
discourse. Its lines are less clean cut, less distinct. It
encourages us to see people as complicated human beings, not
simple rhetorical subjects.

And a review:

“The American debate about abortion and contraception is too often
conducted with anger and violence. Outside the Clinic is a powerful
look at these issues and those who stand on either side. It reveals
everyday truths that are often drowned out by the politicization of
abortion. It looks beyond the commotion and into the heart.”
—Kellie Copeland, Executive Director of NARAL Pro-Choice Ohio

Buy the chapbook here.
Read it online here.
Check out Andrew's blog: Midwestern Sex Talk

Wolf vs. Friedman

Naomi Wolf vs. Jaclyn Friedman: Feminists Debate the Sexual Allegations Against Julian Assange

(Note: You have to sit through 2 minutes of pledge drive before the 10 minute video begins...)



Shorter Naomi Wolf: It's not rape if you don't repeatedly say no, even if you're being threatened and held down.

Shorter Naomi Wolf: It's not rape if he starts putting his cock in you while you're asleep.*

It's much more apparent to me now why Friedman and Valenti named their book Yes Means Yes. If somebody like Wolf who has worked with survivors for so many years can get consent so wrong, I just don't know how we're going to shift cultural norms around rape. Perhaps if Wolf had spent less time during the interview expressing how offended she is, while providing a litany of experience, her "arguments" would be more clear to me...

*of course, if such a scenario is talked about ahead of time, and asked for with an enthusiastic "yes!", that's different.

Donate to RAINN

Sady Doyle is doing most of the work for us. Do your part and donate to RAINN now, and your donation is doubled by RAINN.

https://donate.rainn.org/

International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers

Today is International Stop Violence Against Sex Worker Day. From the Sex Worker Outreach Program site:

December 17th is International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. This event was created to call attention to hate crimes committed against sex workers all over the globe. Originally thought of by Dr. Annie Sprinkle and started by the Sex Workers Outreach Project USA as a memorial and vigil for the victims of the Green River Killer in Seattle Washington. International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers has empowered workers from over cities around the world to come together and organize against discrimination and remember victims of violence. During the week of December 17th, sex worker rights organizations will be staging actions and vigils to raise awareness about violence that is commonly committed against sex workers. The assault, battery, rape and murder of sex workers must end. Existing laws prevent sex workers from reporting violence. The stigma and discrimination that is perpetuated by the prohibitionist laws has made violence against us acceptable. Please join with sex workers around the world and stand against criminalization and violence committed against prostitutes.

Please check out the site, participate as much as you can, and donate some cash to help SWOP continue to do this work.

Good Men?

I was really interested when I first heard about The Good Men Project--and I haven't read the book, but a look at the site is discouraging in many ways: I'm disappointed in its overall tone--seems to be pretty based on a gender essentialist framework that isn't (to my mind) particularly helpful. Some examples, from just a cursory look:

Snowden Wright has a long-ish article describing what are (to my mind) the horrors of rushing a fraternity during college, and then ends his article with a stereotypically "no regrets" attitude, even about his own misogyny:

But the pain wouldn’t last. We had been different people back then. On our way home, I thought back on the person I was during those years, rude and crass and smug, without any sense of regret or shame. None. Call me an asshole, label me a misogynist, wish me an early death. Doesn’t matter. I will not apologize for having one hell of a good time. Because that’s the point of college: not only to figure out who you want to be as an adult, but also to spend four years being the person you don’t want to be.

Tom Matlock (the creator of The Good Men Project), in an interview, is the dictionary definition of a gender essentialist:

“I actually disagree with your POV here, Henry. I don’t think it’s about transcending gender at all. I think it’s about men being men. We are different. Just look at all the various statistics about what men are doing and how it differs from women, from education to incarceration to parenting. And what we as men like to do, what interests us, what inspires us. I would hate to think that our mission is a great leveling of the genders. I love women. Because they are so different. I quite honestly cannot tell you how or why my wife does or says or thinks what she does. But I love her for it.

(Because, y'know, women just think differently!)

Andrew Ladd has a slightly more nuanced take on things, but still ends up playing up the stereotypically "male" traits as positive, by noting that being a good man often means being a sissy:

So what to make of all this? Should we all go back to acting like Don Draper? The Man with No Name? Bogey? No. I stick by my own sissiness, and those iconic men of the past century are hardly perfect either. But I think it’s important to acknowledge that what we talk about today as being “good” masculinity often is sissiness, with all the word’s pejorative connotations, and not the purely positive thing we make it out to be.

As if being a sissy can't be a purely positive thing...

Also, the creator of The Good Men Project, Tom Matlock, explicitly distances it from feminism:

The way Boston-based founder Tom Matlack tells it, the website owes its existence, at least in part, to one very important feminist in his life – his mother. “My parents don’t like it when I call it this, but I basically grew up in a commune,” he says. “My mother had a strident form of feminism and it influenced me on a personal level – I found it scary.”

Although Mr. Matlack understandably won’t label his project “feminist” – its mandate includes topics too broad to be boiled down to any one political agenda – he admits there is a relationship. “I think it’s feminism on its head,” he says. “Women were trying to get out of the home. Men’s challenge is the opposite: how to be at home.”

To my mind, any work that men do toward shifting from the traditional male masculinity models to a greater breadth of what it can mean to be masculine is great, but starting from a Men-Mars/Women-Venus perspective is bound to eventually leave out a lot of potential for change.

Healthy Male Sexuality?

Jaclyn Friedman, co-editor of Yes Means Yes, is writing a new book, and is doing a workshop related to the book, and she's asking for folks who want to participate to contact her:

When it comes to sex, should I always avoid the things that make me uncomfortable? How do I know if the person I’m flirting with is safe to date? Is hooking up always damaging? What do I say to a friend who’s making sexual choices I think might be bad for her? What if that friend is questioning my choices? How do I encourage others to be safe and sane about sex without teaching them shame?
...[b]ut before the book can reach the page, Jaclyn is looking for a dozen volunteers to be the very first people to ever read the book, engage with the exercises, discuss the process with each other and with Jaclyn, and help shape the finished book.

The books sounds fantastic. I contacted her just to verify that the book, and workshop, is about/for women- or female-identified folks, and she quickly responded that, yes, it is. No problem there: All books have to have some sort of scope, and a book about healthy female sexuality framed in the way she's framing it is a pretty wide scope already.

At the same time, male-identified folks need a book like this as well--many of the resources I find when I search "healthy male sexuality" revolve more around viagra than around complex male sexuality.

Please share any good resources all y'all know about!

I'll start. This book seems to have a gender analysis at the beginning (though it starts with a discussion of Viagra), touching on at least some of the intricacies of male sexuality: The New Male Sexuality

Tim Wise on Guilt and Responsibility

Great video on Sociological Images from Time Wise (transcript below, courtesy of SI):


The clip is great, as far as it goes. I would have loved for him to have linked responsibility to privilege more explicitly, however. For instance, regarding the analogy to environmental pollution, it’s the folks who have benefited most from past corporate policies who have the most responsibility to change things now, just as the folks who have benefited/are benefiting from gender and race injustice historically who have the most responsibility to make changes now. That doesn't mean we don't all have work to do, of course, but some of us should take more responsibility than others.

I'd also like to point out that guilt and responsibility aren't mutually exclusive, though it might be helpful to sometimes think of them as such--guilt that drives one to action is useful. Guilt that drives one to shame and inaction is selfish.


Transcript:

Transcript for those who need/want it:

Questioner (off-camera): Um, as a white male, should I feel guilty for the sins of my fathers. I affirm that they exist, but should I feel guilty for them?

Tim Wise: No. You should feel angry. And you should feel committed to doing something to address that legacy. It’s like, for instance, with pollution, right? We think about the issue of pollution. Now none of us in this room, to my knowledge, are individually responsible for having belched any toxic waste into the air, or injecting toxic waste into the soil, or done any of the things… we didn’t put lead paint into the housing, you know?

Individually we’re innocent of that. But someone did that stuff, and we’re living with the legacy of it right now, or in this case might be dying with the legacy of it, getting ill, right?.

So it isn’t about feeling guilty about what someone did, even if you were the direct heir of the chemical company that did the pollution, but it is about saying, all of us in the society have to take responsibility for what we find in front of us. There’s a big difference between guilt and responsibility.

Guilt is what you feel for what you’ve done. Responsibility is what you take because of the kind of person you are, right? And so if I see a set of social conditions that have been handed to you, and which not only did wrong by othrs but elevated me and give me advantage that I did not earn, it’s not about beating myself up, I’m not responsible for that having happened, I’m not to blame for it, so guilt is totally unproductive

But in order to live an ethical life, to live ethically and responsibly, I have to take some responsibility for the unearned advantage, which means working to change the society that bestows that advantage. It’s not guilt, but it is responsiblity. It’s no different than looking at the issue of pollution or if you became the CFO of the company, you wouldn’t be able to come in and say, “I intend to use the assets of this company, and I insend to put them to greater use, and I intend to use the revenue stream we’ve got going, but that whole debt side of the ledger? No, I’m not paying any of that because I wasn’t here when the other person ran all that debt up. You should’ve gotten them to pay it before you gave me the job. Now I’m here, and I’m innocent.” We would realize that made no sense.

So isn’t about innocence and it isn’t about guilt, it’s about responsibility, that’s something we all have to take. White folks have to take it, people of color have to take it, uh, men and women have to take… everybody has got to take it, because we’re living with… if we don’t do it, no one does it, and it doesnt’ get done. We’re the only hope we have.

The Straight Guy Box

Thinking a lot about the lack of positive male sexualities, especially for straight-identified men, in part because of a recent post by Hugo.And then, I run into this funny-yet-poignant piece from Dan Savage (who I often agree with and who is often wrong) that sums up a lot of what I've been pondering:

Men's Stories

New men's stories in November during two nights of performance of the Men's Story Project. Anybody who lives in the SF Bay Area, we'd love to see you there. Even more info at the Men's Story Project site, and on Facebook.

A little taste of a previous MSP:

Talking with Men

I've had some interesting opportunities recently to talk to men in contexts that invited me to explicitly involve a feminist lens. While waiting for a "to go" order last night, I struck up a conversation with a guy who was waiting for his food. We were both standing outside the restaurant--I was standing next to my bike, which wasn't locked up, and he was waiting with his dog. I asked him if I could pet his dog (who was super-cute, named "Jack", and very happy to get some pets) and he mentioned that he could bring the dog to the school where he taught 3rd grade, and the kids loved him. Asking some more questions, I found out he's been teaching for over a decade, teaches at a private school in Oakland, has also taught kindergarten, and loves his job. I have a close friend who teaches, and we've talked some about how there is a gendered skew for grade school teachers, most of whom are women, and about how men are sometimes looked at askance for even wanting to teach children. I asked my new acquaintance what it was like for him, being in a profession that has many more women than men.

He had an interesting response that sort of surprised me in its sexism: He said that it was hard to get things done sometimes, because women teachers are more emotional than he was (being a man), and less pragmatic. I was sort of taken aback--I wanted to acknowledge his experience (after all, I had kind of asked a relatively personal question of a stranger), but felt a need to know more, and to respond. Unfortunately, his food was ready at that point, and I didn't get to talk to him further. I didn't get to ask him, for instance, if perhaps the teachers at his school felt "more emotional" than he felt, making it about personal traits, rather than about so-called gendered traits. I didn't get to ask him what "pragmatic" meant to him (did it mean ignoring passionate stances?). I applaud anybody who becomes a teacher, mostly because it's such a tough job, and I'm glad that there are men who want to teach kids, but I found the overly simplified sexism a little disheartening. Perhaps if I had talked to him more about why he felt that way, I would have gained a better understanding of where he was coming from.

Do We Dare?

A new blog for male feminists, written by a feminist man in his 20s: What Men Dare Do

One day, a friend of mine, a girl, who was then and still is one of my best friends, and I were hanging out. I couldn't tell you where or what we were doing, but I think we were perhaps on our way back from a party, or maybe going to one. She mentioned to me, very casually, "You know, Jeff, sometimes you make these sexist jokes, and they're hurtful."

It was in a very casual situation, and perhaps my remembrance of it gives it more weight than it really had, but that was my "click" moment. Somehow, that casual comment, even though I'd already read about and believed all these things about feminism, hammered home the fact that I was not living by the principles I purported to stand by. How I was living was hurting my friends, and not unlike other young people, my friends meant everything to me.

(By the way, this "Jeff" is not me...though I may like his blog more in part because he has such a great name.)

Gender Policing for Moms!

Homophobia Used to Keep Boys and Men In Line

Hat tip to Sociological Images:
This is what it’s like to be a man under patriarchy: moments of inhumanity in which men accept and reproduce hatred against others and moments of victimization when other men aim that hatred at you.



Apparently, this happened years ago, and the Yankees have addressed it, but it's hard for me to imagine that this doesn't still go on during games, sometimes.

I wonder: What possible options did the young men who were being verbally harassed here have? Against that kind of mob mentality, just sitting there and taking it might have been their best option--various kinds of "fighting back" would be buying into the confrontational nature of the whole thing (and invited a higher chance of physical violence). Simply getting up and walking away seems plausible, but then, that would have made the harassers pretty happy (and those tickets can be expensive!). I wonder how those yahoos would respond to, "Hey, my sexuality has nothing to do with my loving the Mets." I'm guessing that wouldn't have helped much.

Confidence Without Jerkiness

UPDATE: The following post assumes that we're all on the same page about Nice Gusy(tm) vs. nice guys, a la Feminism 101's definitions. Now, back to the post...


I'm really glad that Dating (and/or Fucking) While Feminist has become an popular topic. Whatever you think about love and romance, and wherever you are in your love life, chances are that if you're a feminist, you've had to struggle with some of the things that other folks are struggling with. From Jaclyn Friedman's Fucking While Feminist interview to Jill Filipovic's wonderful rant Single White Female Seeks Passive-Agressive Misogynist over on Feministe, there is a lot to think about, and, since this is the internet, lots of folks have strong opinions about it all.

I think there are a lot of things a feminist (or pro-feminist) man can say about all of this (after all, some of us are dating/fucking while feminist as well), but I don't want to take that head on just yet. Instead, I'd like to talk about a tangent of the discussions dealing with the idea that it's sometimes difficult to grow into a confident and/or assertive man who is also on board with feminist ideas and actions.

Over on Jill's post, commentor Bagelsan responds to a guy who is taking the oh-so-boring-and-common line of thought that women (all of them!) like jerks. The guy says:

“Girls really do like jerks, though. I mean they don’t like jerks but they like certain qualities that come with being a jerk. Like the confidence and ambition and assertiveness.”

And Bagelsan responds with a hilarious bit of wordplay about dolphins-with-Hitler-mustaches:

Some girls like certain qualities that “come with” being, say, a dolphin too, though. Like swimming ability? Or qualities that “come with” being Hitler — like being a compelling public speaker, or getting along okay with (certain) children. Doesn’t mean guys should all start cultivating wee mustaches over their bottlenoses though.*

More to the point, qualities like “confidence” exist independent of jerkishness. (Just like there are kid-loving swimmers who aren’t Nazi porpoises.) So why in the world do Nice Guys think they have to be jerks to be confident, etc?

*I may or may not have used this somewhat tortured metaphor entirely in order to describe this image. :p Bagelsan

Bagelsan's (likely rhetorical) question is what got me to thinking: So why in the world do Nice Guys think they have to be jerks to be confident, etc?

The trite answer is something like "Because that's mostly what we see. Examples of confident jerks abound all around us." This is no excuse for bad behavior, of course--just because bad examples abound doesn't mean we have to follow them. But the prevalence of them does supply a partial answer to Bagelsan's question. And even boys who eventually learn to be men who are confident-but-not-jerks have an uphill battle in at least some ways; look at how much Barak Obama gets chastised for what amounts (in my mind) to a quiet confidence.

There is a culture of traditional male masculinity which encourages a particular type of cocky confidence, and that traditional type of masculinity is something that boys and men have to come to terms with as they grow up and grow older. We have to discover other kinds of confidence that are not as often presented as options. I've learned a lot of that confidence from the women in my life--women who have learned that they can be straight-forward without being jerks (though there are problems there, of course, that come with being a confident woman; confident women are seen as "bitches" when confident men are seen as...confident). I've also learned about other forms of confidence from other men. The men involved in the Men's Story Project are an amazing bunch of men who have a lot of confidence, and little jerkitude.

Where did you learn to have confidence without being a jerk? Who are your role models in that regard? How long did it take you to learn the lesson that you can be confident without being a jerk?

Blogroll

Hey. Is this thing on? Anybody there? Bueller?

Sound off if you are lazy about your RSS feed and still subscribe to this blog. And when you sound off, please let me know about a pro-feminist-men blog that you like, because I'm way out of the loop at this point. And I want to be in-loop.

What About the Menz (with Small Penises)?!??

This cartoon from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal sums up how I oftentimes feel about men who respond to explanations about gendered oppression with claims to being oppressed, as men:


I'm not sure who came up with the "what about the menz?!?" meme first, but Shakesville is pretty good at pointing out examples. One of the things that bugs me about this mentality is that it takes the focus off of legitimate concerns about how men are negatively affected by patriarchy by raising bs about how men are "oppressed" as men, by women.

Oh Brother

Sally hints that Charlie Brown needs to man up:


And now it's not even really hinting:


But then Lucy saves the day:

Opposite Day

From Subnormality.(Click to enlarge.)

Men's Story Project: Josie Rocks It On CNN

Tumor on Your Funny Bone?

Great Interview About Men and Feminist Movements

Women have pushed, and continue to push, for gender equality. What about men? What role could and should they play in that struggle? Raewyn Connell describes how gender relations are constructed and identifies what stands in the way of more men and boys signing on to a gender-equal future. She also discusses how male opposition to sexism and male privilege might be expanded.

Bunny Viking

I wish I lived in this world:


A world where there would be nothing wrong with the "manly" horns, but also nothing wrong with the cute bunny ears. Thank you, F-Minus.

Bitch

My favorite part is: "Patriarchy hurts men too!"

Yum

I just love this man:

New V-day Show I'm In

(Click to embiggen.)

Hey y'all. If anybody out there is in the Bay Area, you might come see a great show I'm involved in, details below.

TWO DATES!
MARCH 13 @ 8PM
MARCH 14 @ 9PM
Box office opens 1 hr prior to show time.
Tickets at door only.
$10- $20 sliding scale
VIP Reception to follow performance on Saturday March 14.
$20 admission to performance gets you in for food, drinks, and fun!
INTERSECTION FOR THE ARTS
446 Valencia Street (between 15th & 16th) in San Francisco.
Proceeds benefit SFWAR (www.sfwar.org)


A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant & A Prayer
A groundbreaking collection of monologues by world-renowned authors and playwrights, edited by Eve Ensler and Mollie Doyle and commissioned by V-Day for the first V-Day: UNTIL THE VIOLENCE STOPS festival, which took place June 2006 in New York City.

Beyond the time constraint of five minutes or less and the theme of women and violence, each monologue was for the writer to realize. No constructs, restrictions, or rules. A fantasy of a world where there is no violence. A poem about the physics of a slap. A memory.

These writings are inspired, funny, angry, heartfelt, tragic, and beautiful. Together they create a true and profound portrait of how violence against women affects every one of us. A MEMORY, A MONOLOGUE, A RANT, AND A PRAYER is a call to the world to demand an end to violence against women.

ABOUT V-DAY:
V-Day is a global movement to end violence against women and girls that raises funds and awareness through benefit productions of Playwright/Founder Eve Ensler's award winning play The Vagina Monologues and other artistic works.

In 2008, more than 3400 V-Day events took place in the U.S. and around the world. To date, the V-Day movement has raised over $60 million and educated millions about the issue of violence against women.
www.vday.org

More Than "Feminism 101"

Today I was reminded, in the best possible way, just how interesting and exciting it can be to start to recognize the complexities in the way the world works, in the ways that systems of oppression work. Every day (it seems) I learn something new about the complexities of gender (and race, class, and sexuality, among others) oppression, so I can tap into that excitement on a daily basis. It's easy for me to feel like I haven't learned anything yet, because I'm learning every day. But remembering back to when I was first being introduced to feminist theory makes me remember that the insights come frustratingly quickly when you're first learning about it, and that it was an exciting and scary period.

I was reminded by all of this by a reader who runs an introductory feminist course in South Carolina, who writes:

hello i came across your blog, i run a blog for an introducory women's and gender studies class. Basically the point of my blog is it is a safe area for students write what they think as they aproach the idea of feminism, which in most cases is new to them. i assure you most of the blogs that they post are interesting to read, and it would mean alot to me if you would follow our blog. the site is wearethewave.blogspot.com.

Along with having a perfect title, Wearethewave is a great read. The students are engaged, interesting, and are coming at feminism from an interesting perspective, often trying to reconcile deeply held Christian values with some of what feminist theory is telling them. And there are men in the class, to be sure--and since this is an ally blog for men who identify as feminists, I'd like to share a part of one piece with you, in the hopes that you'll go check out the rest of the blog. Stephen Long writes:

I am a white, upper-middle class, heterosexual male. I am also a Christian. In many ways my religion has perpetuated a patriarchal system of oppression. Sometimes I feel like an outsider in this Introduction to Women’s Studies course because of my privileged status. During class discussions, I feel as though I have had a hand in oppression although I cannot think of any oppression that I have knowingly caused. However, my status has provided me with benefits and protection in a society where race, class, sexuality, and gender intersect to marginalize and oppress women. I recognize that I benefit from a patriarchal system that favors men like me.

As stated in Bell Hooks’ Feminism is for EVERYBODY, feminism is “a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression” (Hooks 1). The fact that most people learn of feminism through a patriarchal mass media is reflected by the common misconception that feminism is anti-male. In actuality, feminism is committed to gender equality and “without males as allies in struggle feminist movement will not progress” (Hooks 12). Statements like this make me feel like feminism is a movement that easily includes men as well as women. I appreciate Hooks’ narrow focus for feminism, too; her definition is so specific.

It's inspiring to know that men (and, of course, people of all genders) are learning about feminism in positive ways, and are, like Mr. Long, really getting it. (And I'm happy that Feminism is for Everybody is being taught, of course!) So what are you waiting for? Go check out Wearethewave.

Saturday Morning PMSing

The webcomic Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is sometimes borderline misogynist, but today it hit the nail on the head:

Men's Story Project: Drain the Main Vein

I love this piece from the Men's Story Project, because it highlights the ridiculousness of one part of traditional masculinity while making one laugh:

Men and Grief

Great post up over in the feministing community about "disenfranchised grief" and men. Rachel In WY says:

So as I've been thinking about this it occurs to me that men may often experience disenfranchised grief more often than women, because it's more socially acceptable for women to express their grief, and because men are often expected not to have the same depth of feeling. I've known several men who really wanted children, and were deeply emotionally invested in having a family. When they (and their partner) encountered infertility or miscarriage, their grief was barely even acknowledged, while their partner received a lot of support. When men do express their grief over infertility or a miscarriage, or don't "get over it" quickly enough, they're viewed with a mixture of confusion and disapproval. So I think this is one example of the damage a patriarchal culture inflicts on men. What do you think of this? Are there other examples of disenfranchised grief I haven't thought of? Are there cases where a woman's grief is more disenfranchised than a man's?

Go check out her whole post, and the comments.

Check

Have y'all heard of the RHRealitycheck.org? It's a great organization that focuses on reproductive health ("RH", get it?) issues, in part from the standpoint of countering misinformation spread about reproductive health by those who would restrict reproductive health to married baby-making hetero people. On of my favorite parts of the site is the "Reality Video Series," which tells the stories of the parts of people's lives that revolve around reproductive health issues. In the clip below, I was struck by how much Monica desired her partner to take a larger part in the decision making when she became pregnant--I hadn't thought about the fact that a man "being supportive" in this situation might take various forms, not all of which mean that man ought to keep his feelings and opinions to himself.

I think this is the strength of these sorts of videos--personal stories reveal facets of complex situations I wouldn't have thought of otherwise.

Our Reality: My Name is Monica and I Had an Abortion, Part 1 from RH Reality Check on Vimeo.

Men's Story Project Online

Well, considering the only person besides me who is still reading this blog already saw the show, it may be silly to post this, but I'm proud of it, dammit, and hopefully one or two people go ahead and go see more of the Men's Story Project online. I'm proud of my piece, but I'm more proud that I got to work with the other men of the show, and the woman who got the whole dang thing put together in the first place. I highly encourage y'all to go check it all out. More information on the project itself can be found on the internets.

Yeah, But What About the Men?

Instead of teaching women not to walk alone at night or to carry Mace, some colleges are trying something much harder -- changing college men.

Vote

And if you're in CA, please vote No on Prop 8:



Oh, and of course no on Prop 4:

What of the "parental involvement" Proposition 4 wants to mandate? In California, the majority of young people (79%) already talk to their parents about sexual issues. According to studies, anywhere between 61-70% of teens nationally involve their parents in their decision about whether or not to have an abortion. That number skyrockets to 90% in minors 15 years old and younger. When a young woman, 16 years old or older, chooses not to, there are usually good reasons. According to the ACLU:

One study showed that 22% of teens who did not tell a parent about their abortion decision feared that, if they told their parents, they would be kicked out of the house. More than 8% feared that they would be physically abused because their parents had beaten them before. Of those who did not tell a parent, 12% did not live with either parent and 14% had parents who abused drugs or alcohol.

It's not only about communication with parents though. Abortion providers would not be doing their jobs if they did not advocate for the health and well being of their patients -- and that usually means encouraging parental involvement when it's safe and possible. "I think that people don't know that abortion providers usually encourage parental involvement -- it's just better all around if it's possible," says Peg Johnston. "Younger teens almost always involve family and older teens mostly fear disapproval of their parents." In fact, Peg created the Mom, Dad, I'm Pregnant project to "help teens tell their parents, and almost more importantly, to help parents respond in helpful, rather than hurtful ways."

Bigger, Strong, Faster

Just finished a darn good documentary: Bigger, Stronger, Faster--directed by Christopher Bell. Not only is it a well made film, it also has a surprising number of twists and turns--in the end explaining that fear of steroids has been drummed up, but centering on the ways in which using steroids really is The American Way, and questioning if that's really how we want things to continue.

Along the road to making these points, Bell also does a mini-expose on the ways in which men's body image has shifted over the past three or four decades, and the ways in which men now think they need to be bigger, stronger and faster in ways they perhaps weren't as concerned about in the past. In this way, Bell indirectly is questioning one traditional mode of male masculinity, and as such I thought it might be interesting to anybody who might still be stopping by here.

Second Men's Story Project Performance

Update: I'm putting this back on top. Hope to see lots of people there. I also hope I have a voice by Wednesday, because right now, not so much. Thank you, strep throat.

Free performance, and donations at the door will benefit SF Women Against Rape, which works with people all genders in prevention and response to gender-based violence.

House of Cards

This has been floating around for a bit, I think, but darn if it isn't very, very funny.



Hat tip to fem-men-ist.

Bitch

Update: They made it! Yay!
Bitch magazine is in some financial trouble. If you have ever thought of subscribing and/or donating, this may be your last chance.



This is a pretty sad thing to learn the day after I got excited because there was the magazine in my mailbox...

Men's Story Project

Anybody local to the SF Bay area might like to come out to see this show I'm involved in. Men exploring traditional and non-traditional masculinities. I'd love to see y'all there.



Also, listen Josie (the one responsible for all of this mayhem, our producer and the creator of the Men's Story Project) and Robert (a contributor) talk about the project on KPFA (the MSP section is about 72 minutes in, but the whole show is pretty interesting!) here.

If I Didn't Know Better...

...I'd think that maybe Jim Meddick, the guy who creates the strip Monty, has been reading this blog, and is now making fun of himself:

A Wee Bit about Kyle Payne

Renegade Evolution has a great roundup about Kyle Payne, if you have been under a rock and haven't heard about this jerk. I think everything that can be said has been said, but I will say this: It's good to remember that there are sometimes good reasons why feminist women and trans feminists are suspicious of feminist men. It sucks that there is a tendency for people to lump feminist men together, as we are of course as different from each other as feminist women are different from each other, but one can understand this tendency when somebody like Payne pops up.

Of course, lots and lots of feminists don't lump us together like that, and also recognize that, while the potential wolf-in-sheep's-clothing problem is always going to be there, men contribute a lot to feminism.

bell audio

I used to have a weekly series on bell hooks that has (as much else here) fallen by the wayside. But if anybody who loves hooks is still around these parts, you can listen to some of her speeches and Q&A's online. Thanks to Lisa at Black Women, Blow the Trumpet! for the link.

Go Read Fem.men.ist

If you're not already reading Richard's blog, you're missing out. Here's a sample of Richard's discussion of Terrance Dean's book, Hiding in HipHop:

There definitely seems to be more vilifying of the men in DL culture than criticism of a larger culture that gives few options for people to just live their lives. I am not endorsing anyone cheating on their wives/partners in order to have down low interactions, I just think that some of the pain that Terrance Dean seems to convey should be taken into account... As a hetero man, I myself wonder what it would be like if I lived in bizarro switcheroo-change-o land, and had to keep up appearances to be "a gay man" but really want to date women, and have to see them on the down low. If you are also a straight man, and reading that made you cringe... hold on to that feeling. Especially if you are not able to understand why men would go on the down low. Empathy to the human condition is essential for us all to make it y'all...

Richard's also involved in a project I'm involved in, The Men's Story Project, which all y'all should come see if you're local to the SF Bay Area.

The Body Positive

My friend Jen pointed me to a great organization, The Body Positive. They do work with people through the Health At Every Size model of health, and they place a good deal of their focus on restructuring how we imagine our own bodies. Jen, who has worked as a fitness trainer for many years, had this to say:

Two years ago I had the great fortune of meeting Connie Sobczak. Connie is the co-founder of The Body Positive, a non-profit organization created with the purpose of helping people overcome negative body image and distorted relationships to food. The Body Positive connects people to their internal wisdom, freeing them to live joyfully in their bodies. When Connie and her good friend, Elizabeth Scott, LCSW, founded The Body Positive in 1996, concerned stories about body image and eating disorders we're still topping the news. Lately, most of the stories covering body image focus on female celebrities' weight loss/weight gain extremes, trivializing the significance of the issues.

I can tell you that for the years I worked as a Fitness Trainer I don't think I worked with a single client who wasn't afflicted with some degree of body hatred. It broke my heart to see otherwise healthy, successful and dynamic people who existed in a constant state of dissatisfaction with their bodies or questioned their very worth as human beings because they were unhappy with the way their bodies looked.

Recently I was telling a good friend of mine about The Body Positive and how important and urgent their work is. Her look told me she wasn't convinced. My reply was this: "Consider over the course of your life all the time you've spent agonizing about your body, trying to lose weight or control you're appearance in some way. Now multiply that number by virtually every woman (and now more men) in the U.S. Now imagine all of those collective hours being redirected towards something positive for our world."

The Body Positive is trying to raise some money. If you have some, you might think about giving some of it to them.

Men's Project

For those of you in the SF Bay Area, spread the word. Deadline extended to May 30th.

Call for submissions:
Men's Story Project


Men of all ages and backgrounds are invited to participate in the Men's Story Project! This project will bring together a diverse group of men's real stories to create a local performance about men's life experiences. We're looking for stories from men of a variety of race/ethnicities, sexual orientations, social/cultural backgrounds, life histories, etc.

The pieces can be poems, monologues, prose, raps, just a few powerful sentences, a dance piece, music, etc. - on subjects such as lessons you were taught about what it means to be a man, social/cultural expectations, learning on your own what it is to be a man, experiences of violence, experiences of promoting peace/healing, relationship with your body, sexuality, gender, power, transformation, taboos, etc. Pieces should last a max of 5 minutes. It may also be possible to exhibit visual art in the space.

Contributions of all kinds are welcome -- funny, serious, vulnerable, risk-taking, triumphant, etc - the main theme is REAL. We will present them to an audience in a Bay Area venue TBD in June or July, with the lofty goal of helping move society forward in conceptions of what it can mean to be a man.

If you want to create a piece but would prefer to have someone else read it, that's fine - authorship can be anonymous. If you have a story in mind but want some coaching to get it on paper, we have folks who can help you.

This is a progressive event and will be a safe space.

*Submission deadline: May 22 May 30th*

Participants will be paid $50.

This is an independent project getting off the ground, and is not affiliated with any organization.

Please send submissions + a short bio and any q's to Josie Lehrer at jlehrer1@gmail.com

Sticks and Stones

From The Fusco Brothers, which provides a seemingly endless supply of blogfodder: Because domestic violence is hi-larious.

Don't Vote For McCain, Because He's Pussywhipped

Ted Rall has some interesting stuff, but this cartoon about McCain bothers me:
Rall's point that McCain is supported by special interests--in this case, special interests related to his wife's business--isn't unimportant. But the idea that we shouldn't vote for McCain because hes somehow emasculated by his wife's power and money is distracting, rather than interesting or funny.

There are so many other reasons to not vote for McCain, other than the idea that his wife made him sign a prenup, or that she makes him keep the toilet seat down (that BITCH!).

Note: This is all leaving aside the lack of compassion toward anybody who has ever been a prisoner of war that Rall exhibits with the "I miss the Hanoi Hilton" comment.

Mildred Loving

Mildred Loving has died. From her wikipedia page:

Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people's religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people's civil rights. I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That's what Loving, and loving, are all about.

To think that it was in the late 60's that her case came to the Supreme Court makes me shudder.

Note: When I first went to the wikipedia page, I found this:

Richard [her husband] died of AIDS from having sexual intercourse with a nigger in 1975.

I'd never edited a wikipedia page until today, when I deleted that sentence. It makes me wonder how many lessons have really been learned, of course.

Killing Hookers is Funny!

From A Softer World:


First of all, ASW loses points right away for trying way too hard to be 'edgy' or something, here. So the humor is supposed to be that the kid is a violent racist? Aside from that being not-so-funny, it's not worrisome that a kid might enjoy killing hookers in the video game, because they're not, y'know, human beings--instead, they're women, and sluts on top of it. On the other hand, "blacks" (ack) are human, so it's ...funny?

One More Thing Feminism Can Do: Critique Traditional (White) Masculinity

I've been thinking some more about why I think the tragedy that is Sean Bell's death is a feminist issue. Holly pointed out at Feministe that part of the reason why it's a feminist issue is because it's difficult to take in the situation without also taking in the women that Bell's death has left behind, and the anguish his fiance, Nicole Paultre-Bell, must live with. Holly also notes:

The problem here, as Delores Jones-Brown points out, is that there is a systemic pattern of police officers shooting unarmed suspects. The problem is that this disproportionately affects communities of color. The black men who are most often slaughtered by such violence, and all the women and children in their lives too, their loved ones, friends and relatives. A system that is all too eager to exonerate “the thin blue line” and continue business as usual. All of these are feminist issues. Racism must be a feminist issue, for any kind of feminism that counts. Police brutality must be; the biases of the criminal justice system must be.

There is another aspect of this, which was revealed to me in a comment by donna darko, who said:

Sean Bell and Jena 6 are not feminist issues although feminists are interested in them and post about them. For example, what is the feminist solution to the Sean Bell and Jena 6 case? There are feminist solutions to incidents of police brutality involving women. This is feminism’s worst nightmare: IT’S NOW ABOUT TEH MENZ!

I think I see Donna's point. To take it to an extreme, we ought to be concerned about the ways in which feminism and feminists may lose focus to the point of making everything a feminist issue. But I also think that it can be worth our time to look at most problems through a feminist lens. In the case of the Sean Bell tragedy, feminism can offer up an analysis of the force of traditional masculinity, for example.

First off, I think that what happened to Sean Bell is at least partly the result of the enforcement of traditional masculinity, a masculinity based on fear-of-other-men, on might-makes-right. Mixed up in all of this is also the way in which traditional conceptions of masculinity revolve around traditional conceptions of white masculinity, where men of color aren't 'real' men, but rather, animalistic, and dangerous. And traditional white masculinity is so entrenched in various institutions that it affects all of the people in those institutions--even to the point of men of color reinforcing such masculinity themselves, as (I think) is the case with the two men of color who shot Sean Bell.

And where do we find critiques of this type of masculinity? Well, one place we find it is within the frameworks of feminism. This isn't the only place we might find it, but it's where I see a consistent critique of it. Which is not to say that anti-racist analysis, for instance, isn't just as viable a lens through which to see this tragedy--but so is the feminist lens, inasmuch as traditional masculinity has had a hand in such tragedies, and inasmuch as feminism offers us ways of critiquing and changing masculinity.

So, in part to speak to Donna's point, I want to say that while there may not be a feminist solution to what happened to Sean Bell, there is a feminist analysis that can be done, that needs to be done, on how traditional conceptions of masculinity helped to cause Sean Bell's death (not to exonerate any of his killers from their individual responsibility, to be clear). Feminism isn't the only tool to use in order to do this, but it's a good one.

Also: Sudy makes a similar point regarding a feminist analysis of the Iraq war:

The question is not what makes the issue feminist, but has a feminist perspective been applied to the issue? Many perceive the Iraq war not to be a feminist issue. I don't give two shits if it's a "feminist issue," I care if feminists have applied their analytical skills, intelligence, resources, and insight to the Iraq war.

Also: If you don't think that some of the problems of police abuse of power don't revolve around conceptions of traditional masculinity, you might watch this, courtesy of Lauren:

Pick a Gender

Today, two comics which embrace gendered stereotypes without actually keying in on gender. That is, they both struck me as sexist-ish, but then I recognized that gender, while invoked implicitly, was explicitly left out of the equation. Still embracing gendered stereotypes? Hmmm...

First, Mr. Boffo has a backseat driver:

I had to take a closer look at the person in the backseat to realize that there seems to be some (purposeful?) gender ambiguity there. It's interesting to note that women in Mr. Boffo tend to be variations on a theme of tall, pretty, skinny white women with ponytails, so it may even be more likely that the person in the backseat is meant to be a guy (I doubt Mr. Boffo understands that there are myriad genders, so I'm going binary in my discussion of it). My first reaction is now nixed by a mixed reaction. More importantly, this ain't one of the funniest strips I've seen.

Next up, one of my new-ish favorite strips, Savage Chickens, takes on the whole men-want-sex-women-want-love trope:
Thing is, these both seem to be hens, not roosters. So am I projecting the stereotypes? Maybe. Or perhaps, to give Savage Chickens more credit, Doug Savage, who writes and draws the strip, is defying the stereotype, and just commenting on how sometimes people (chickens) want different things than they profess to want. Or maybe he just doesn't know how to draw a rooster? Or maybe they're both roosters, and he can't draw hens? Or maybe he's a gender outlaw, and purposefully doesn't draw gender in at all...?

50 Bullets

Regarding the multiple tragedies of violence and injustice against Sean Bell, let's just all agree that feminists need to understand how important this is.

First of all, what Holly said:

The problem is that this disproportionately affects communities of color. The black men who are most often slaughtered by such violence, and all the women and children in their lives too, their loved ones, friends and relatives. A system that is all too eager to exonerate “the thin blue line” and continue business as usual. All of these are feminist issues. Racism must be a feminist issue, for any kind of feminism that counts. Police brutality must be; the biases of the criminal justice system must be.

Secondly, Amy Goodman at Democracy Now has a good interview with Sanford Rubinstein, the attorney representing Sean Bell’s fiancee Nicole Paultre-Bell, and with Jessica Sanclemente, the co-coordinator of People’s Justice regarding the injustice we're seeing.

Being An Ally -- How Hard Is It, Really?

Sudy has a great post that includes some words about how it really isn't that difficult to be a good ally (and why people should stop asking her how to be a good ally):

Being an ally is not as dramatic as people paint it lately. I mean, how difficult is it to decenter yourself and your own life and absorb someone else's for a few minutes of your day? Do you realize it's not just about you? It's not just about YOUR definitions of what is an ally. DO you know acknowledge the larger systematic boot of violence against womyn of color and the knife of economic violence that shoves womyn of color into corners of poverty, rape, and silence? (I mean, really acknowledge it.) Being an ally is not ripping the mic from someone else and thrusting it in the face of WOC. Because, in the end, fast forward 60 years from now, the only person who can answer if you led a life of transformation and solidarity is you. Why ask me?

I think she's right, but I think there are some good reasons why potential allies look to those we are trying to be allied with for some answers. If I sit around and talk about how to be a good feminist ally (for instance) with a bunch of feminist men, we're going to be missing out on some of the answers, just by virtue of blind spots of privilege that we may not be able to even know are there. This isn't to say that we can't come up with good, interesting, varied answers to our questions, or that we shouldn't try to, that we shouldn't do the work required to figure this stuff out. I don't want to make it Sudy's job to teach me how to be a better ally. And yet, I want her views on it, so what to do?

Well, that's where the above quote comes in. Decenter from my own life and soak up her views for a while. Read her, and not just what she has to say about allies. Shut up and listen more often. That's some of the advice I'm going to keep giving myself, even though she, and others, have given me the inspiration to do so.

Embracing the Enormity

One reason that I've stopped posting regularly was that the enormity of the various tasks at hand are sometimes overwhelming. Fighting sexism? Ongoing, huge battle. Fighting classicism? Ditto. Fighting racism? Yet another seemingly impossible task. All the while, finding a space to do this as a white, middle-class man? Sigh.

Add to that a growing understanding that communities of protest, communities that seek justice, often aren't very good allies, well, that makes one take a few steps back, reassess and rest.

But of course, 'resting' can be privilege-driven, can't it? I can stop posting, sure, but here I am, living in the US as a white, middle-class man...putting down my pen (so to speak) just means I get a break, to a large degree (though I would claim that men don't get a break from the hardships that patriarchy places on them, either). When BFP stops posting, and takes down her site, because she's understandably fed up, she still has to face a racist, sexist world.

So I'm starting to feel like my hiatus here, while fueled by understandable concerns for my own mental and physical health, is also a way of letting my white/male/able-bodied privilege win out. And, while I think that shutting up can be a lot of what an ally ought to be, I also think that there are ways that I can raise my voice without shouting down those-who-I-would-be-an-ally-of.

So, to start off, howabout a little checklist for myself, to combat the desire to take another break?

1. But it's hard to hear that one isn't being a good ally.
Yep. Sure is. Getting called out feels like shit, especially since people are much more likely to blame than praise in the world o' blogs. You work really hard on trying to bring social justice, and you get called out for what, to you, might seem like small things. But you know what? You don't get to judge what counts as a 'small thing'. These are communities we're talking about, and we're all in it together, so if enough people call you out and say it's important, then it is.

2. There's just too much work to do.
Also true. But keep in mind that you're not doing it alone, and you're not even facing the most daunting challenges--others are. You post about comics and men & feminism, for goodness' sake, not systematic rape in the congo. Maybe you should be posting about other, more important things, but to claim that posting about comics and gender is too daunting, as one of your tasks, is to embrace your privilege. Fight that.

3. But I'm Not Welcome.
Not in every community, not all of the time. That's why this space exists, in part. And there are those who value your voice, and who value what you say. Seek them out. Nurture them. And continue to understand that it's ok that you're not welcome some places. Keep the righteous indignation at a minimum, because it is so often a reflection of your privilege.

There's more, of course, but this is a start.

What to Say

One feels the need to respond to the controversy, but really, there isn't so much left to say that hasn't already been said, and said better than I could say. I guess I'll just say this:

Feminism and anti-racism ought to be inextricably intertwined. Lots of times, they aren't seen that way. That's something we ought to work to change.

Other than that:

First, just go see what BFP has to say abut the whole thing.

Then, take these words from Lauren to heart:

What I don’t get is how so many of us that were irritated by what often seemed like an intentional oversight are suddenly scandalized to be called out on our own biases, blindnesses, and lenses of privilege. Put your big girl panties on and take notice.

Update: Ok, go read what Twisty has to say as well:

You feel that, white feminists? That’s your obstreperal lobe telling you that feminism and good intentions do not a get-out-of-racism-free card make.

Restrained Amusement

In yet another example of one of my favorite comics annoying the crap out of me: XKCD Thinks Restraining Orders Are Funny...



Thing is, I get that this is funny, conceptually. At the risk of going Monty-Python-esque, the humor is found within pushing the boundaries (no pun intended) of the concept of a restraining order--normally, it's just meant to keep people away, so a restraining order as described in the comic is antithetical to what restraining orders are for. The cognitive dissonance provided by holding the original concept and the revised concept in one's head helps create the humor. And yet, for me, it can't help but conjure up the women (and men, and people of all genders) who have to get restraining orders, for various reasons, which helps the funny slip away quickly and quietly.

Post Feminism?

The next time somebody tells ya that we don't need feminism, we only need humanism, you may trot out this little ditty, from a United Nations commissioned report:

Women are discriminated against in almost every country around the world, a UN-commissioned report says. It says that this is despite the fact that 185 UN member states pledged to outlaw laws favouring men by 2005. It adds that 70% of the world's poor are women and they own just 1% of the world's titled land. The report, which was prepared for UN Human Right Commissioner Louise Arbour, says rape within marriage has still not been made a crime in 53 nations.

Love Among the Feminists

Jill's post at Feministe has started a great discussion about the various shapes that feminist romantic relationships take, focusing on, but not limited to, hetero versions. Among the comments comes this interesting point, from KellyS:

I guess I just never would’ve settled for any less. Maybe that is where we sell ourselves short as feminists–we assume that men can’t be this thing, this other half and that there are “guy” things and “girl” things. Yes, even as feminists. Many women fool themselves into gender roles, and by allowing the men in their lives who subscribe to them, they shouldn’t be surprised when things don’t magically change.

I think there's a book in there, somewhere, Jill.

Family or Prison?

Mr. Boffo:

I could be playing basketball right now. Y'know, instead of looking out the window ignoring my screaming wife while she screws up my dinner and doesn't keep my kids in line very well.

Also: Make some insights about gender roles, but make sure you bring it all back to body issues, because, you know, that's what women do:
For Better of For Worse:

Go Team Patriarchy

If you've never read Cat and Girl, you oughta.

Women Are Controlling. Also, They Love Shopping

Also:
Women need men to take them shopping and men play video games.